i scantiness some to rewrite my eesay
this my educationist comment:
This is a very amiable starting summit, succeeding a while some amiable ideas. You made a suited job in almost all the evaluated areas, but this quiescent insufficiencys some fruit to admit a amiable form.
These are the things you should convergence the most on:
(1) Building and evidence. Think about what it is that you are reserved to say, and organise your summits accordingly. You insufficiency a amiable building succeeding a while prelude and misentry that exaplain plainly what you are reserved to do. Similarly, your summits insufficiency to analyse the manifestation, not impartial draw it, so you insufficiency past sources to tail it up. Try and use one passage to fashion one summit, which should be polite protected.
(2) Referencing. There is no referencing in the passage. When adaptation the essay, thrive the guidelines for Harvard referencing. Also, you insufficiency to use at last 5 references of an academic tendency. Do past inquiry and confront what is seasonable for you.
(3) Pay suspend watchfulness to your style and syntax. You can aid yourself succeeding a while Grammarly for point, or search you classmates to prooflearn your fruit. Admit past space to learn through your essay succeeding you conclude it and burnish all the diminutive mistakes.
Keep it up!